The Dark Side of the Teletubbies
It's just wrong. But you must
I've always hated the Teletubbies. I couldn't figure
out how even a 1-year-old could be entertained by these retarded, bouncing
space monkeys. The only way I'd ever (intentionally) watch this show
is if they fought each other to the death using shovels to see which
retard is the last one standing. Of course, as a reward, the winner
of the death match would be set on fire. What, you mean you haven't
also been longing for that episode to air?
So my wife and I decided to watch some pre-recorded show on our
Digital Video Recorder / cable box, but there was an outage with
the cable company that rendered our DVR completely useless. It could
only tune in to channel 94, and this PBS channel just happened to be
running the Teletubbies. I thought to myself, "Oh @#$%@#!",
how could they do this to us? Anything but Teletubbies!
The Teletubbies seemed to be moving intentionally with the music.
I think they were saying, "Now you get it. You know why we came. This
is our purpose. We arrived on this planet because we are huge Pink
Floyd fans. Please help us to find the giant floating pig."
Maybe it was just my imagination, but then the lyrics confirmed it. If you've ever seen the Teletubbies, you know there are rabbits running all over the place for no apparent reason. And they continually cut to the "sunshine baby" in the sky who does absolutely nothing but drool and appear to be enjoying the stupidity of it all. While all this is going on, the lyrics of the song "Breathe" matched up with what was on the screen... "Run, rabbit run. Dig that hole, forget the sun." Whoa!
Need I say more? Then suddenly they ran to the front of their underground grass house, just as the lyrics "Home, home again" came on. Too much. Then the instrumental "Any Colour You Like" comes on. I decided I like the yellow Teletubby - I might be able to wash my car with it.
"The lunatic is on the grass. The lunatic is on the grass." Yes, there
are four of them, thank you for pointing that out. And yes, I believe
some lunatic had to be on lots of grass when they came up with the
idea for the Teletubbies.
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